Back to Normal

Yesterday an amazing event took place. We once again have the Internet at home. Wow! I can't believe that I have survived this long without Internet. Of course, I have had my iPhone for somethings but it is simply to frustrating to blog from there. It's funny how you get use to not having something and then upon it's return you sit there and have no clue what to do. I know I use to spend hours on the net but now I have been sitting staring at the screen with a blank look on my face wondering what in the world did I use to do with this thing.

On a side note, for those of you who don't know, we had moved and I had simply been cheep thinking we could just use those wonderful and amazing IPhone that done everything for a person. Well, it was a nice idea and I stubbornly held out as long as I could. Lyle had to ply my cold fingers away at the idea and finally convinced me that this was not working in the least bit. Especially now that I am homeschooling and Em needs to learn better computer skills. Oh well, so much for my cheep self. I made it about 6 months. lol.

Now I can sit and post and be "normal" again. Though I don't know if I can ever be considered normal. Alas, I know that this will have to be a short post as I still have laundry detergent to make, a little girl's school to conquer, food to prepare, laundry to actually wash, and the million of other things that transpire in my day. One of which include timing it just right to get out of our subdivision make it to the grocery and back before the wonderful flow of city traffic gets thick as can be. I think I agree with em when she says, "Mom why are we living in the city when we are country girls." I think I echo her thoughts daily in my prayer life but hey I am discovering good things about the city so this is not a cry fest. There are fab organic grocery stores, several targets are not far, and lots of parks for Emily. Most of all there is the fact that this has been a great year having Lyle back.

Time for work. Everyone have a great day!

Thoughts

For the second time in my life I have hurt someone by being positive. I have a problem with believing that the best thing will happen. It doesn't always. This time I hurt a dear friend by sharing my feelings that what was desired would be attained. Like myself and many others have said, the statement was made that if the hopes had not been raised it wouldn't have hurt as much. If only we had expected the worse the pain would have been less. Is this the attitude we are all suppose to have? I really don't know. Is the pain less when we expect the worse or is it a way to deny feelings exist to those around us. I know I expected the worse when we thought Lyle was going to be deployed. I don't think it lessened my pain. It just helped my keep people at bay in learning my true feelings and thoughts by saying, "oh, I was expecting this to happen." How should we hope when there is something that we really wish to attain? In my devotions, I am learning how the statement, "God will not put more on us than we can bear" is false. This scripture was referring to temptation. Our Sunday school lesson flowed along with my devotions by explaining that God will put burdens on us that we can not bear. It is up to us to ask for his strength to bear them and not carry them with our own strength. I know I got off on a small rabbit trail but here is where I am going with this. Maybe it is ok to hope for things we desire as long as we are willing to except that God's desires may not align? Maybe we have to realize a burden God may give us is not giving us our desires in order to mold us into the shape he wants. This still leaves me with the question what is the Godly way to handle getting our hopes up for things that are desired. I guess we give our desires for ourselves and friends to the Lord and try to balance the feelings somewhere in the middle. I know that I shall be more careful in my excitement for others and not give false encouragement. To give only with the encouragement that God's plan will be best and that is all that needs to be said. These are just thoughts. I don't want to become someone who is always bitter and not positive in the least. I guess I just need to become positive in the Lord's will and not mine and not others.

Turning 30

Today I turned 30. It was not really turning 30 that caused me a moment of sadness. It was not realizing that I am now considered "old" and headed toward "middle age." It was not the realization that I still have not had that second little one. It was not that thought that I do not have that wonderful career. What got me was the idea of the one I loved and wanted to spend my time with was an ocean away. Everyone says that it gets easier each month. This is true in every day management of the household. It was true in the beginning months with simply adjusting and missing him. But now at the six month mark, I am finding it becoming hard again. I find myself tired of the separation, tired of the empty bed, tired of the empty celebrations. When I hear of others who do six month or shorter deployments I feel cheated and jealous. Yet I know I have to march on. I know there is nothing to do but to climb that hill. Isn't that what good army wives do? I know that this to shall pass. I know all the right answers. Yet, I find myself today on my special day tired of the right answers, tired of being brave and keeping my chin up, tired of the empty house, just plain tired. Yet we will continue on because that is all that can be done, and tomorrow will hopefully be a brighter day.

Garage

Well yesterday I said everything seems to break when our soldiers leave. Today I tried to leave the house to run an errand and discovered the garage doors would not open. I checked the box to see if the little things were thrown. It didn't look like they were. I had to call my neighbor in order to get the car out. Totally red faced! Twice in a row now. Guess what, I had not checked all breaker things! I felt dumb. He did show me how to manually open the doors if it ever happened again. Oh husband of mine please hurry up for I am tired of trying to be a man for I am discovering I fell at the job most miserably!

Bambi

Well it looks like my little girl is going to take after her momma. I was and am known for crying through just about every movie made. I can find the sad part in a movie without a problem and burst into tears. I am especially known for crying when animals die. Don't ask me why, I've been doing this since I was a kid! My little girl has just cried her why through Bambi! She got very upset for the momma deer and the baby deer. Bless her little heart! She is my tender one.

Spiritual Gifts

I have discovered through the years one spiritual gift that I do not possess. That is the gift of teaching little ones. For some reason everyone thinks I would be a great volunteer with the preschool department of my church. This happens to me wherever we have lived. I lack the ability to "just say NO" when I am ask to help in this area. (or any area for that matter) I long to serve the Lord but it always ends up a disaster when I try to go outside of my talent. That is what happened tonight! I was ask to help with childcare of the small children. The lesson I planned sound great in my head. It sounded fabulous! I had three educational crafts planned that would take up the whole time plus teach about a missionary. Oh if it only work out in reality as it does in my head. I couldn't keep the kids in their seats and we went through the crafts in just a few minutes. I left with a headache and a desire to run away and hide for a very long time. I think that is why we are suppose to find our talents and spiritual gifts and serve the Lord accordingly! And I have to learn to say NO!

Camper

Like I stated and have been told by so many military wives who have gone through deployments, once they leave it breaks. This time it was the camper. It sprung a leak. I guess I could have turned it into a boat but I would have still had to bail water so that wouldn't work. Thanks to a extremely fine fellow camper neighbor the leak has been fixed and all is dry. Of course now I have to go clean up. And of course, I discovered that there were ants inside the camper. Happy days are here again.....

This one is for you Dad

I have been trying to reverse the trend of Em sleeping with me. This occurred after Daddy had to leave. Not to bright on Momma's part. As I was talking to Em last night, I ask her where did she think Daddy would sleep when he came back home. Her simple answer was, "with me." Score one Emily. What about Momma? "Oh, you can sleep in your bed Momma" Score two Emily. Looks like Emily is about to hit a home run. I say, "Don't you think Daddy is going to want to sleep Momma like he use too?" Emily answers, "Oh, you can sleep with us if you want to Momma!" Home Run EMILY. It is out of the park in preschool reasoning. These type of conversations always seem to end up going around in circles.....

Cows

Most children have a pretend friend or animal (dog or cat) that they "play" with at times. My daughter always loves to break the trend. No she does not have a imaginary friend. No she does not have a dog or cat that she pretends lives in our house. What we have is on a much larger scale. We have imaginary cows! They live in my living room and at times I have to tell them to get out of the kitchen when Emily announces their arrival. They live on wooden fruit that is feed to them each morning. We march to the beat of a different drummer around here.

Another Month Finished

It feels so wonderful to finish a month and to know we are that much closer to being done with this deployment. May has been a whirlwind of activity and has definitely kept me on my toes. I kept a little girl and got a glimpse of what it will be like when Em starts preschool in the fall. I saw my sweet niece graduate from preschool and got a glimpse into the future for her.

Of course projects always keep us busy and they seem to be ongoing. I have found this month that if it has never before had any problems it will now break just because he is deployed and it can! I have also found so far everything is fixable with the help of the sweet people God has put in my life. I am so thankful for Godly neighbors who have been such a blessing to help me when things become broken and I just can't figure it out. I have learned by watching one couple what true giving of yourself and your time is. They give is such a humble and joyful way and teach their children the same. May I have the same joy to give to others. I know the joy of giving has helped me the most when I am feeling down and sorry for myself!

Now summer sets in and we parents batten down the hatches for laughter and swimming and the list goes on and and on. Trips are planned and more projects put in place. I can't help but look forward in July for that is the most important month to me. That is the half way point. From there everything will all be down hill. This long deployment with almost be over and I will be that much closer to seeing my best friend and love everyday. Sweet thoughts.

I turn thirty in June. I joke about being upset but not really. How could I be upset when I have such a sweet family and a wonderful life spread out in front of me. Most important the I am the Lord's child. I took the time to reread the gospel of John this month. Oh, how it restores the joy of our salvation! How wonderful to know that Jesus did everything for me and you! Take time to read it through again in its entirety and see the wonder.

Sundays

Sundays are bittersweet. They are a time to focus and worship my Lord. A time for reflection and christian fellowship. Yet they are also a time reminds me the most that my love is deployed. It is the small things. The missing hand during prayer. The hardy "Amen's" said during sermons. Seeing others as whole families and feeling broken. Sunday meals without getting to discuss the sermon with each other. These are the things that make it a bittersweet day. A day when we all like to gather with the one's we love and yet some of us can not!

Yet I am trying to chose to take this and remember to cherish my husband more upon his return. I reflect on how I neglected him. On silly arguments about running late for church Or instead of reflecting on the sermon maybe we chose to gripe about something. Many times we stayed too busy to enjoy each other's companionship on a Sunday afternoon. I guess God allows us to see things during times like these so we can change for the future. I pray he keeps molding me into a better wife for my wonderful husband!

A Free Day

I gave myself the first free day I have had since Lyle left! I hired a babysitter and went out to a bookstore.

We have a wonderful used bookstore with a little cafe in it where you can eat and browse books or just sit and read. Of course, I had to take a few home! I love this store because you can bring them books for store credit! They have rooms and rooms of books. Heaven to me!!!

After the cafe, I browsed the downtown shops. Something you can not do with a three year old! It was nice to simply be by myself and watch others around me. The shops were cute and fun to window shop and dream. Before I knew it the time was gone and it was time to come home. I was refreshed and ready for the days ahead.

As mother's, I think we easily lose ourselves in our children's identities. We forget who we are and what we as individuals enjoy. It is good to take time once in awhile and remember.