I am reading Proverbs 16:28. (Note: I had to review to make sure but Proverbs was written Solomon and "other wise men." It's purpose seems to be to help the young learn simple lessons and let the "wise men wiser" proverbs 1:4-5). There are many truths in this chapter that could be applied to friendship but for now I am going to try and remain to the verses that speak specifically about friends.
"A perverse man stirs up dissension and a gossip separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28
I've heard this verse many times but the Lord is so wise in what he is trying to tell us. Gossip does separate close friends. It tears them apart and brings a friendship to ruin. When I think of gossip my thoughts go to speaking ill of someone. A group of busy body ladies all grouped up speaking the latest news that had come to town on the rumor mill. But I had a note in my Bible to turn to back in Proverbs to another verse
"A gossip betrays a confidence but a trustworthy man keeps a secret." Proverbs 11:13
So the Lord seems to be telling us that a gossip is also someone who is betraying a specific confidence and not keeping a secret. This has happened to me as I am sure it has happened to all of us at some point and time. My mind wonders to innocent ways of stretching that "confidence." Those of us who are close to our mothers, how many times have we been given something in "confidence" but we run to tell Mom. Oh I know we make it innocent in our minds by thinking that our friend doesn't even know mom, she lives miles away. According to this scripture we are wrong! Same goes for spouses. At times we share a confidence that should have not been spoken, even if our spouse understands mums the word! To be trustworthy wouldn't we have to remain without a word spoken? Be honest, held to the highest standards do we do this? We can gleam and learn a lot from this scripture. A gossip does not just go around spreading the town news. If we share the smallest of confidence than we have to take on the label of gossip. Am I being to hard? That is up for everyone to decide for themselves. As for me, I want to learn and gleam more than just the surface. To dig deeper. To follow even the tough standards. Just my thoughts as I grow in this faith of the Lord.
(oh, how did I pick where to start? the wonderful NIV concordance. Thank you Lord for the blessing of your word and the help man has given in ways to research it!)
6 comments:
The hardest one is not to share with a spouse. My spouse is like an extension of myself. But they really don't need to hear about other women anyways - and it can affect the way they view your friend...which is usually unfair. So, it took years, but I finally got that concept a few years back.
If you and your spouse are one, how is sharing something with the other part of you gossip? I would think that it would be wrong to fuss or complain or say the hurtful things to a spouse, because this is just wrong anyway; but to share the things that are burdening your heart does not seem wrong to me.
I agree about the spouse thing. It is hard, but sometimes you share things that just don't need to be shared... like what if you are having some very personal woman issues...you wouldn't want another man hearing about it...or what if it is something about your husband..then that would be weird when the husbands meet again. I totally agree...there are times to share with the hubby and times to not and I think it should be the permission of the "sharer" to say if they feel comfortable with their friend sharing it that way.
I also think it will make the friend feel like they can't completely confide in you if they know you will tell your husband. I wouldn't want a very close girlfriend to feel like they couldn't talk to me about everything for fear of me telling my husband.
There are good points on both sides of the spouse argument here. I do believe that in all aspects we should be one - so sharing shouldn't be viewed as a sin in my opinion. However, in many career fields it is a crime to share, even with your spouse, what is going on in your job. Which means we are capable of keeping things from each other when it is needed, and that also is not a sin. Sometimes it is just a necessity. Perhaps there is a balance there with friendships also. I don't suppose your spouse really WANTS to hear everything about your friends (as you are probably aware with Andy and his very vocal complaints when we had too much "girl talk"!)
Good discussion point Amanda.
Something to consider is that not everyone has a husband to talk to, or if they are married their husband isnt around to share with. I think it is ok to have someone to confide in, whether it is your mother or a maternal figure. I agree that some things need to be kept in confidence, but if it is something that is troubling you, then yes- share those troubles with someone you trust and respect, someone you know will give you Godly counsel.
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