Turning 30

Today I turned 30. It was not really turning 30 that caused me a moment of sadness. It was not realizing that I am now considered "old" and headed toward "middle age." It was not the realization that I still have not had that second little one. It was not that thought that I do not have that wonderful career. What got me was the idea of the one I loved and wanted to spend my time with was an ocean away. Everyone says that it gets easier each month. This is true in every day management of the household. It was true in the beginning months with simply adjusting and missing him. But now at the six month mark, I am finding it becoming hard again. I find myself tired of the separation, tired of the empty bed, tired of the empty celebrations. When I hear of others who do six month or shorter deployments I feel cheated and jealous. Yet I know I have to march on. I know there is nothing to do but to climb that hill. Isn't that what good army wives do? I know that this to shall pass. I know all the right answers. Yet, I find myself today on my special day tired of the right answers, tired of being brave and keeping my chin up, tired of the empty house, just plain tired. Yet we will continue on because that is all that can be done, and tomorrow will hopefully be a brighter day.