It seems to have been pouring rain on me this week! Things have been going wrong. Lost friendships. Jobs that seem to be impossible. No place to feel like I "belong. A lost cat.
I can't stand to have friendships turn sour and usually I am a very patient and understanding person. I have found that with my best friend and comforter away that I have less patients for "foolishness." Don't get me wrong, this does not diminish my love for my friends. I think it just makes me more protective of myself and emotions. I don't have the strength to allow myself to be as open to being hurt. I find that I must keep things that cause more emotional turmoil away. I struggle with "being there" for people like I have always been but at the same time I find myself in need of having people "be there" for me. I'm also finding that people willing to take the time to actually be a true friend are few and far between! This is a hard and rocky path the Lord has chosen me to walk. I am reminded that he actually knows how I feel. In His hour of need, they fled from His side! Wow! What a thought, though what I am going through no where near compares it is wonderful to know that HE does understand and has walked this path before me.
My impossible jobs is a bit more humorous. I have to now take care of the lawn. A job always left up to hubby! I am not the outdoors type! Yesterday, I push mowed my entire lawn....because I don't know how to use the riding lawn mower. Plus, I think it may be broken. I can't really remember what hubby said before he left about that monster of a thing. Now you must understand that my front yard is a hill! I do mean a hill and it did feel uphill both ways! But I did accomplish my mission. ARMY STRONG. Wives are soldiers too in my humble opinion. Now I have to get the paving stones somehow laid so that we can stop bringing in mud from the yard! Oh the joys. I also need to figure out how to burn all the trash but I think that will wait cause I really don't won't to meet our fire department. lol. I have to admit a sense of pride that I did get it done but I will gladly give this job back to hubby upon return!
I am also struggling to find "where I belong" at church. It is strange to go without my spouse. Strange to try to figure out where to sit. I have never really "fit in" at my church but for some reason God has placed my family there at this time in our lives. It is hard to feel out of place and alone. I was reminded today both in Sunday School and in church that I was not alone. God is with me and the hard times is what he uses to help shape my life. This is an encouragement but oh the growing pains still hurt! I want to scream, "I'm tired of growing!" Just let me rest!
Finally, I can't believe I have gotten attached to our cat! He has been missing since Tuesday and I think I have taken it harder than our little girl. She just wants a new kitten. I keep thinking, how can I replace the sweetest cat ever! He use to sit on my shoulder and watch me paint furniture in the garage. He came when called! He was my hubby's cat!!! I even had him microchiped and now he is gone! I have the curse of hoping too much and too long. I keep hoping he will return....but I think deep down I know He is gone. It just doesn't seem fair!
What a week! To many things happening all at once! I'm hoping for a happier week. I'm tired of tears and I'm ready to laugh.........
1 comment:
The bad weeks are always so bad!
I know EXACTLY what you mean about going to church without hubs. That was always a problem for me also. Its very frustrating to have so many people ask where he is.....and you've told them a hundred times. Shows you who actually even cares. And sympathy is nice sometimes...and totally awful sometimes.
Hang in there! Maybe next week will be a better week.
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