Thoughts

For the second time in my life I have hurt someone by being positive. I have a problem with believing that the best thing will happen. It doesn't always. This time I hurt a dear friend by sharing my feelings that what was desired would be attained. Like myself and many others have said, the statement was made that if the hopes had not been raised it wouldn't have hurt as much. If only we had expected the worse the pain would have been less. Is this the attitude we are all suppose to have? I really don't know. Is the pain less when we expect the worse or is it a way to deny feelings exist to those around us. I know I expected the worse when we thought Lyle was going to be deployed. I don't think it lessened my pain. It just helped my keep people at bay in learning my true feelings and thoughts by saying, "oh, I was expecting this to happen." How should we hope when there is something that we really wish to attain? In my devotions, I am learning how the statement, "God will not put more on us than we can bear" is false. This scripture was referring to temptation. Our Sunday school lesson flowed along with my devotions by explaining that God will put burdens on us that we can not bear. It is up to us to ask for his strength to bear them and not carry them with our own strength. I know I got off on a small rabbit trail but here is where I am going with this. Maybe it is ok to hope for things we desire as long as we are willing to except that God's desires may not align? Maybe we have to realize a burden God may give us is not giving us our desires in order to mold us into the shape he wants. This still leaves me with the question what is the Godly way to handle getting our hopes up for things that are desired. I guess we give our desires for ourselves and friends to the Lord and try to balance the feelings somewhere in the middle. I know that I shall be more careful in my excitement for others and not give false encouragement. To give only with the encouragement that God's plan will be best and that is all that needs to be said. These are just thoughts. I don't want to become someone who is always bitter and not positive in the least. I guess I just need to become positive in the Lord's will and not mine and not others.

Turning 30

Today I turned 30. It was not really turning 30 that caused me a moment of sadness. It was not realizing that I am now considered "old" and headed toward "middle age." It was not the realization that I still have not had that second little one. It was not that thought that I do not have that wonderful career. What got me was the idea of the one I loved and wanted to spend my time with was an ocean away. Everyone says that it gets easier each month. This is true in every day management of the household. It was true in the beginning months with simply adjusting and missing him. But now at the six month mark, I am finding it becoming hard again. I find myself tired of the separation, tired of the empty bed, tired of the empty celebrations. When I hear of others who do six month or shorter deployments I feel cheated and jealous. Yet I know I have to march on. I know there is nothing to do but to climb that hill. Isn't that what good army wives do? I know that this to shall pass. I know all the right answers. Yet, I find myself today on my special day tired of the right answers, tired of being brave and keeping my chin up, tired of the empty house, just plain tired. Yet we will continue on because that is all that can be done, and tomorrow will hopefully be a brighter day.

Garage

Well yesterday I said everything seems to break when our soldiers leave. Today I tried to leave the house to run an errand and discovered the garage doors would not open. I checked the box to see if the little things were thrown. It didn't look like they were. I had to call my neighbor in order to get the car out. Totally red faced! Twice in a row now. Guess what, I had not checked all breaker things! I felt dumb. He did show me how to manually open the doors if it ever happened again. Oh husband of mine please hurry up for I am tired of trying to be a man for I am discovering I fell at the job most miserably!

Bambi

Well it looks like my little girl is going to take after her momma. I was and am known for crying through just about every movie made. I can find the sad part in a movie without a problem and burst into tears. I am especially known for crying when animals die. Don't ask me why, I've been doing this since I was a kid! My little girl has just cried her why through Bambi! She got very upset for the momma deer and the baby deer. Bless her little heart! She is my tender one.

Spiritual Gifts

I have discovered through the years one spiritual gift that I do not possess. That is the gift of teaching little ones. For some reason everyone thinks I would be a great volunteer with the preschool department of my church. This happens to me wherever we have lived. I lack the ability to "just say NO" when I am ask to help in this area. (or any area for that matter) I long to serve the Lord but it always ends up a disaster when I try to go outside of my talent. That is what happened tonight! I was ask to help with childcare of the small children. The lesson I planned sound great in my head. It sounded fabulous! I had three educational crafts planned that would take up the whole time plus teach about a missionary. Oh if it only work out in reality as it does in my head. I couldn't keep the kids in their seats and we went through the crafts in just a few minutes. I left with a headache and a desire to run away and hide for a very long time. I think that is why we are suppose to find our talents and spiritual gifts and serve the Lord accordingly! And I have to learn to say NO!

Camper

Like I stated and have been told by so many military wives who have gone through deployments, once they leave it breaks. This time it was the camper. It sprung a leak. I guess I could have turned it into a boat but I would have still had to bail water so that wouldn't work. Thanks to a extremely fine fellow camper neighbor the leak has been fixed and all is dry. Of course now I have to go clean up. And of course, I discovered that there were ants inside the camper. Happy days are here again.....

This one is for you Dad

I have been trying to reverse the trend of Em sleeping with me. This occurred after Daddy had to leave. Not to bright on Momma's part. As I was talking to Em last night, I ask her where did she think Daddy would sleep when he came back home. Her simple answer was, "with me." Score one Emily. What about Momma? "Oh, you can sleep in your bed Momma" Score two Emily. Looks like Emily is about to hit a home run. I say, "Don't you think Daddy is going to want to sleep Momma like he use too?" Emily answers, "Oh, you can sleep with us if you want to Momma!" Home Run EMILY. It is out of the park in preschool reasoning. These type of conversations always seem to end up going around in circles.....

Cows

Most children have a pretend friend or animal (dog or cat) that they "play" with at times. My daughter always loves to break the trend. No she does not have a imaginary friend. No she does not have a dog or cat that she pretends lives in our house. What we have is on a much larger scale. We have imaginary cows! They live in my living room and at times I have to tell them to get out of the kitchen when Emily announces their arrival. They live on wooden fruit that is feed to them each morning. We march to the beat of a different drummer around here.

Another Month Finished

It feels so wonderful to finish a month and to know we are that much closer to being done with this deployment. May has been a whirlwind of activity and has definitely kept me on my toes. I kept a little girl and got a glimpse of what it will be like when Em starts preschool in the fall. I saw my sweet niece graduate from preschool and got a glimpse into the future for her.

Of course projects always keep us busy and they seem to be ongoing. I have found this month that if it has never before had any problems it will now break just because he is deployed and it can! I have also found so far everything is fixable with the help of the sweet people God has put in my life. I am so thankful for Godly neighbors who have been such a blessing to help me when things become broken and I just can't figure it out. I have learned by watching one couple what true giving of yourself and your time is. They give is such a humble and joyful way and teach their children the same. May I have the same joy to give to others. I know the joy of giving has helped me the most when I am feeling down and sorry for myself!

Now summer sets in and we parents batten down the hatches for laughter and swimming and the list goes on and and on. Trips are planned and more projects put in place. I can't help but look forward in July for that is the most important month to me. That is the half way point. From there everything will all be down hill. This long deployment with almost be over and I will be that much closer to seeing my best friend and love everyday. Sweet thoughts.

I turn thirty in June. I joke about being upset but not really. How could I be upset when I have such a sweet family and a wonderful life spread out in front of me. Most important the I am the Lord's child. I took the time to reread the gospel of John this month. Oh, how it restores the joy of our salvation! How wonderful to know that Jesus did everything for me and you! Take time to read it through again in its entirety and see the wonder.

Sundays

Sundays are bittersweet. They are a time to focus and worship my Lord. A time for reflection and christian fellowship. Yet they are also a time reminds me the most that my love is deployed. It is the small things. The missing hand during prayer. The hardy "Amen's" said during sermons. Seeing others as whole families and feeling broken. Sunday meals without getting to discuss the sermon with each other. These are the things that make it a bittersweet day. A day when we all like to gather with the one's we love and yet some of us can not!

Yet I am trying to chose to take this and remember to cherish my husband more upon his return. I reflect on how I neglected him. On silly arguments about running late for church Or instead of reflecting on the sermon maybe we chose to gripe about something. Many times we stayed too busy to enjoy each other's companionship on a Sunday afternoon. I guess God allows us to see things during times like these so we can change for the future. I pray he keeps molding me into a better wife for my wonderful husband!

A Free Day

I gave myself the first free day I have had since Lyle left! I hired a babysitter and went out to a bookstore.

We have a wonderful used bookstore with a little cafe in it where you can eat and browse books or just sit and read. Of course, I had to take a few home! I love this store because you can bring them books for store credit! They have rooms and rooms of books. Heaven to me!!!

After the cafe, I browsed the downtown shops. Something you can not do with a three year old! It was nice to simply be by myself and watch others around me. The shops were cute and fun to window shop and dream. Before I knew it the time was gone and it was time to come home. I was refreshed and ready for the days ahead.

As mother's, I think we easily lose ourselves in our children's identities. We forget who we are and what we as individuals enjoy. It is good to take time once in awhile and remember.

Baby Wipes

I do believe that baby wipes must be one of the best inventions in our times! Think about it, wipe and throw away. Good for bottoms, hands, and faces. Not only that but today I discovered yet another use for these fab. things. My front door was covered with nasty black stuff and the would be white door was looking a disgusting gray! I'm sure a man would have grabbed the hose and cleaned it right off but since I was dressed to leave I grabbed the BABY WIPES! They did a wonderful one swipe job.

Date Night

I don't have a scripture to post tonight as I had a sweet date night with my husband. He may be far away but he is a creative romantic who makes it seem as if he were sitting right here beside me. Thanks for that wonderful thing called skype too.

All the comments have been very interesting from my posting yesterday! Everyone had excellent thought. Yall led me to want to run a small rabbit trail so to speak. I am going to look into scripture and try to find just what is biblically meant by "two becoming one." I have my own thoughts that are deeply implanted in my head but that sociology background comes out and says research research! So more to come on friendship and biblically becoming one:)

I don't know about other people but my eyes are about to swell right on up into cheese puffs. The pollen is out in full force. I think a light rain shower would be nice! Then I might could think about breathing again.

Friendship in Proverbs

I am reading Proverbs 16:28. (Note: I had to review to make sure but Proverbs was written Solomon and "other wise men." It's purpose seems to be to help the young learn simple lessons and let the "wise men wiser" proverbs 1:4-5). There are many truths in this chapter that could be applied to friendship but for now I am going to try and remain to the verses that speak specifically about friends.

"A perverse man stirs up dissension and a gossip separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28

I've heard this verse many times but the Lord is so wise in what he is trying to tell us. Gossip does separate close friends. It tears them apart and brings a friendship to ruin. When I think of gossip my thoughts go to speaking ill of someone. A group of busy body ladies all grouped up speaking the latest news that had come to town on the rumor mill. But I had a note in my Bible to turn to back in Proverbs to another verse

"A gossip betrays a confidence but a trustworthy man keeps a secret." Proverbs 11:13

So the Lord seems to be telling us that a gossip is also someone who is betraying a specific confidence and not keeping a secret. This has happened to me as I am sure it has happened to all of us at some point and time. My mind wonders to innocent ways of stretching that "confidence." Those of us who are close to our mothers, how many times have we been given something in "confidence" but we run to tell Mom. Oh I know we make it innocent in our minds by thinking that our friend doesn't even know mom, she lives miles away. According to this scripture we are wrong! Same goes for spouses. At times we share a confidence that should have not been spoken, even if our spouse understands mums the word! To be trustworthy wouldn't we have to remain without a word spoken? Be honest, held to the highest standards do we do this? We can gleam and learn a lot from this scripture. A gossip does not just go around spreading the town news. If we share the smallest of confidence than we have to take on the label of gossip. Am I being to hard? That is up for everyone to decide for themselves. As for me, I want to learn and gleam more than just the surface. To dig deeper. To follow even the tough standards. Just my thoughts as I grow in this faith of the Lord.

(oh, how did I pick where to start? the wonderful NIV concordance. Thank you Lord for the blessing of your word and the help man has given in ways to research it!)

Friendship

Through various events going on in my life at this time my mind has turned to the topic of friendship. I'm a person who opens herself up to all friends and I tend to find myself feeling naked and bruised. I am a person who embraces emotions and feels deeply. I have the ability to be honest about what I am feeling and tend to share too much with others. I know what I want and this tends to make some fearful to voice differences. The sad part is that I really want to embrace differences as it is what makes us interesting and exciting. I am starting to ramble and be well, emotional.
As I was driving today, I started to ponder the thought of how I was feeling far to exposed and naked in some uncomfortable friendships. It came to me that Jesus must have had that feeling numerous times. He would love openly only be feel hurt by many. This led me to think more on the topic of friends. Go to a store and you will find dozens of books on friendships. People talk about not being controlled by friends, the talk about developing healthy friendships, the list goes on and on. I myself have found at different times in my life feeling used and abused by friends and then left to my own devises as they continued on their journey. But what exactly does the Bible say about friends and friendships. How much are we to share with a friend, how close is a good friend to be trusted, how do we accept friends and reject sin, how should we forgive a friend...the list goes on and on in my mind so I decided that I would start researching the Bible on this topic and exploring verse by verse. So here I go on a journey through the Bible to explore the topic of friendship and grow a little more in faith.

Spring Has Sprung

I love Spring! It has finally seemed to make an appearance and with it bring a bit of cheer! My black thumb and I even attempted to plant a few flowers. Lets just hope they are hardy ones or their poor lives will be short lived at my house! It is so nice to open the windows and feel the breeze.

Emily and I saw a bunny sitting in the yard as we returned home from church. She was convinced she could catch it with her butterfly net. We sat there smiling and whispering to each other about how cute he was. These are the days that are so sweet and yet so fleeting. I just wish Lyle was here to share in it.

Satan strikes again!

I'm starting to feel like Job or maybe Paul. I don't really know. But if anything else goes wrong I may be rocking back and forth in the corner. lol. The day starts out so well and I feel so good about all the Lord has led me to do. I guess Satan thought I was working too hard for God cause he sat a big ol mountain down in my path this evening!

I had a lady call and demand records from where I had re homed her dog. I had given her the information a long time ago and frankly keeping dog records is not high on my list of important things. I guess I'm just crazy but military records, bills, and so forth seem to take precedence. After a strained conversation and a four hour search (cancelled dinner plans with my neighbors) I finally found the information. This is so not what I needed in my life! People are just nuts! I know we each deem different things as having major importance but sometimes I think people can get a little of the beaten path of sanity.

I need everyone to pray for a blanket of peace to fall over my household. It is a time to focus on Jesus and what he did for me and everyone in this world but it seems like turmoil keeps taking my eyes of the Lord. I just want a peace and some days of quite solitude. I want to be able to write a letter to my husband when I feel wide awake and not dead tired. Please Lord give me that peace that pass all understanding.

Small Helping Hands

It brings joy to have small hands help. Em has gotten old enough to want to help clean. It took 10 minutes to vacuum carpet to usually takes 3 minutes! Who cares! I have all the time in the world. I love to see her desire to help. I just wish I still had that same desire to clean. LOL.

On another note. I am missing a chance of playing my husband at a good old game of checkers. If you are reading this dear, I'm sure I could win!!! But no playing with others to improve your skills! That would not be fair :( Can't wait until R&R. I'll be sure to bring the checkers;( A note of explanation to others, my husband and I have a on going battle in checkers. Neither one of us lose well which makes for very humorous times. Who needs TV and other things! There is so much more life to live.

Little Eyes are Watching

I am reminded how much children watch what we do and not what we say! I admitedly mopped the kitchen for the first time since my hubby left. Yes, I am really bad about spot mopping because I can't stand to do the whole thing! My sweet spouse use to do that job which I always was glad to let him tackle. lol.

The floor had finally gotten to where I could no longer ignore giving it a good cleaning so out came the mop! As I began to mop, I heard Em's voice call, "NO MOMMA, That's Daddy's job!" Wow! Who would have ever thought she had noticed such a small thing. As we talked about how sweet Daddy was to help Mommy by mopping floor's in the house, I thought about how our actions are really what shapes are children. My husband and I share responsiblities. We try not to label work gender specific. We just do what fits best and share the work. Usually we work side by side so that we can enjoy time together. As I think back, that is what I saw my parents model and his parents model the same. It makes me realize that what we model for her, is probably what she will expect for in a mate. What a responsibilty the Lord has given us a parents! I'm so glad He walks beside us and helps to instruct us along the way!

Busy Days

I am so thankful for busy days! Last week was so busy that almost every night I would literally collapse into bed. It may sound funny to be thankful for these weeks but it helps to pass the time. The week flew by. Once again I have a busy week ahead. I have to put it in high gear with the day I wasted. I am excited about Easter and helping Em know that it is not just about Easter eggs! What a joy to share these things. What treasures to give them. I saw a craft where you take the inner part of the egg out and leave the shell to represent the tomb being empty. I thought that was really neat. I hope I can really get it to work!

I have been over every place I can think of to look for a little cat. Looks like he is going to have to have a memorial and then a replacement. Sad times for my little girl. She keeps saying, "I'm worried about my baby." I think she really wants a puppy replacement but a cat is so much easier! That puppy will have to wait on Daddy. I know the replacement will not come from the pound! I found you are required to make the cat an inside cat if you adopt from them. It isn't any wonder that people don't get animals from the pound! They have so many new requirements. I love cats and ours stays in our garage with the freedom to roam. When did it become a thing to tell people how to do every little thing. agh

I think it is time for bed with the busy days ahead! I hope everyone who reads this is having good busy days.

Potty Sucess!

We had two major potty events! I feel like a celebration tonight. Em made it through church in big girl panties!!!! No accidents. What a victory. She was so proud of herself. I am so thankful for a nursery staff willing to take them to potty. The next accomplishment was today. She only had one accident all day long. We seem to be on a roll. I feel like dancing. She even earned her prize for having 5 hearts on her chart. (She has been trying to earn a prize for 2 weeks!)

On a funny note. We use a chart to help her feel rewarded when she uses the potty. She puts stickers on for her achievements. We were at church using the children's potty in the nursery when she looks up at me and says "do they have a chart here?" I guess she thinks charts belong everywhere!

Satan's Tricks

I remembered today the power Satan can have over us if we let him. I allowed him to take my focus off of the things I had planned to accomplish for the Lord today. I had lofty plans. Plans for good and plans to glorify the Lord. I let a angry letter consume my day. Wow...why did I do that? All I did was dwell on anger and frustration instead of focusing on the Lord. Satan can come at us from places we would never expect! All he desires is to take our focus off of glorifying the Lord. Why do I still fall for his tricks? I am reminded of how the Lord was tempted by the devil. How he had victory over his many tricks. I am thankful for a loving Father who convicts us and still forgives us when we fall for the tricks of Satan. Thankful for his saving grace! What a wonderful thing to remember this Easter week. At the same time, what a bitter thought to remember that it was my sin that helped to put Jesus up on that cross. What a love He has for us. I don't mean to gush but just the thought that he forgives us every time and still loves us still amazes me. I hope I never forget to be amazed.

A friend and I were talking how this seems to be a year that Christians are growing in spiritual strength. I really feel that we could experience a revival. Maybe not a revival of the country but of the hearts of those who already know Him. I remember a pastor once reminding us that revival has to start within His church. Revival really does have to begin within the Christian heart. I am finding more and more people in earnest who seek to really KNOW God. How I want to know Him. How I want to grow. It may be a painful process that requires us to go through dark places but to be drawn closer to our maker is just a wonderful privilege!

Pouring Rain

It seems to have been pouring rain on me this week! Things have been going wrong. Lost friendships. Jobs that seem to be impossible. No place to feel like I "belong. A lost cat.

I can't stand to have friendships turn sour and usually I am a very patient and understanding person. I have found that with my best friend and comforter away that I have less patients for "foolishness." Don't get me wrong, this does not diminish my love for my friends. I think it just makes me more protective of myself and emotions. I don't have the strength to allow myself to be as open to being hurt. I find that I must keep things that cause more emotional turmoil away. I struggle with "being there" for people like I have always been but at the same time I find myself in need of having people "be there" for me. I'm also finding that people willing to take the time to actually be a true friend are few and far between! This is a hard and rocky path the Lord has chosen me to walk. I am reminded that he actually knows how I feel. In His hour of need, they fled from His side! Wow! What a thought, though what I am going through no where near compares it is wonderful to know that HE does understand and has walked this path before me.

My impossible jobs is a bit more humorous. I have to now take care of the lawn. A job always left up to hubby! I am not the outdoors type! Yesterday, I push mowed my entire lawn....because I don't know how to use the riding lawn mower. Plus, I think it may be broken. I can't really remember what hubby said before he left about that monster of a thing. Now you must understand that my front yard is a hill! I do mean a hill and it did feel uphill both ways! But I did accomplish my mission. ARMY STRONG. Wives are soldiers too in my humble opinion. Now I have to get the paving stones somehow laid so that we can stop bringing in mud from the yard! Oh the joys. I also need to figure out how to burn all the trash but I think that will wait cause I really don't won't to meet our fire department. lol. I have to admit a sense of pride that I did get it done but I will gladly give this job back to hubby upon return!

I am also struggling to find "where I belong" at church. It is strange to go without my spouse. Strange to try to figure out where to sit. I have never really "fit in" at my church but for some reason God has placed my family there at this time in our lives. It is hard to feel out of place and alone. I was reminded today both in Sunday School and in church that I was not alone. God is with me and the hard times is what he uses to help shape my life. This is an encouragement but oh the growing pains still hurt! I want to scream, "I'm tired of growing!" Just let me rest!

Finally, I can't believe I have gotten attached to our cat! He has been missing since Tuesday and I think I have taken it harder than our little girl. She just wants a new kitten. I keep thinking, how can I replace the sweetest cat ever! He use to sit on my shoulder and watch me paint furniture in the garage. He came when called! He was my hubby's cat!!! I even had him microchiped and now he is gone! I have the curse of hoping too much and too long. I keep hoping he will return....but I think deep down I know He is gone. It just doesn't seem fair!

What a week! To many things happening all at once! I'm hoping for a happier week. I'm tired of tears and I'm ready to laugh.........

Frustrated Mom

I have had a very frustrating week with Doctors. I am not a person who likes to go to the doctor and I try to keep from taking my child for every little thing. Half the time we go to the pediatrician we come out with more than what we went in with! Em has been sick off and on for the past week. We came home from a trip and she was having large amounts of diarrhea. Because of it's frequency and lack of other symptoms, I called to get a appointment with her pediatrician. I was told they were not making same day appointments but I could talk to a nurse. The nurse put me off like I was a uneducated worried mother who was taking up her precious time and did not take me seriously. I was told if she did not get better to bring her in. She seemed to get better and now here we go again. It has started all over again! I was dismissed by her doctor for my concern and what I thought it could possibly be. I am tried of being treated like a mother who overreacts when they don't even bother to look at my record to see that we never come to the doctor. REGARDLESS I think that they should take the time to listen and take care of the children they have in the practice. If the practice is too large, then STOP accepting new patients. Now I am wondering if I should change pediatricians, the only problem is that there are very few in this area who are worth taking your child to. I guess I am just a frustrated mom.

Potty Achievement!

I'm so proud that I have to blog! Emily just went to the potty on her own and poo pooed. I hope this does not offend anyone but when you have worked so hard for a year to teach the potty and not the pull up it feels like a huge success story. We just did a happy dance all over the house. Oh my, what joys my life has turned into! Oh well, I'm too happy to care how silly this sounds! She is so proud and for the first time admitted that it felt much better to use to potty! Sing praises. We may make it out of pull-ups.

Something for Me

I don't usually do anything special for myself. I am the kind of gal that will go all out for everyone else but not worry about things for me. This evening I had special time for myself! Granted I had my tot is tow but still it was all for me. We went to one of my favorite stores...just cause...Emily kept asking why are we stopping?...I kept saying...just cause! We went to my favorite restaurant. (Ok so I have to admit I had gift cards but still I spent it on myself). I came home and set down to blog. You know what I discovered. Special time is fun and nice but it is so much more fun when you are doing something for someone else! Makes everything seem better and worthwhile. Oh well, I guess that just me....

Angels Among Us

This evening the song, "I believe there are angel among us, sent down to us from somewhere up above..." has been playing through my mind. My day started out in toddler disaster. I overslept. My daughter on the other hand did not. There was a lovely mess to greet me for which I could not really complain. She had really been good just creative in meeting her own needs so "Mommy could sleep." I most note that I usually do not over sleep but this cold that I have been battling is about to win! Onward went the day...my help for watching Emily cancelled...she refused to stay with her cousins...must drive two hours to the nearest base with a toddler who is also sick. Get to base...toddler has diarrhea...NO WIPES IN CAR...clean with wash cloth and bottle of water...throw everything away! I proceed into the ID office to find they have closed for the day due to computer problems. At this point I am ready to sit down and just cry! Ahead of my, also reading the sign, is a black lady who I would guess to be in her late 50s. As we discuss the situation, she notices that I am near tears. I explained that I had a doctor's appointment tomorrow and had to get a new ID. I was going through my first deployment and was quite lost as what to do after driving this far. "Well,," she exclaims, "we are going to do something about this, we are going to the navy side. I don't know where the office is but we will find out!" After a phone call to the NAS the lady informs me they are closed, that they only stay open till 3:30. Gullible me who did not know the time said ok. When I told this wonderful woman said, "well, it is only 3, so they are not closed yet! Come on, follow me and we will get this fixed." We made it to the ID place before closing! Both of us got our IDs fixed and I learned a surprising fact. This lovely lady was 75 years old. You would have never known. She hugged me bye, and told me to "keep the faith." She told me to be thankful that I had a husband. Hers had worked there for 30 years before he passed away. I only wish I had gotten her name and number! I also wish that I had taken her picture for this post but I guess an angel's picture would never show up. And I suppose that an angel would never reveal heavens address. I truly believe that I met and angel today. She was my 75 year old angel who I will always be thankful for the act of friendship she bestowed upon me!

Wii

Ok so I have serious problems with the whole wii fit thing. I went over to a friends house and had my first experience with a wii. Yes, I am that big of a loser that I had never played wii before! Video games just are not something to attract my interest. If I'm going to go bowling I would rather go and have the experience. I'm just saying. Anyway, I tried out the whole wii fit thing. That thing is just mean! First of all the cute little person blows up to mimic your weight. What kind of horrible joke is that! I know I have some pounds to lose, but they didn't have to make my cute little girl look like budda. Second they said I was 64 years old. Now how did it arrive at that answer with me balancing? In my defence, have you ever tried to balance with a three year old tugging on you and running into you? It should have said I was 14 seeing as I didn't fall flat on my face with all the "MOMMAs" going around. The games were fun so I can see why it was a success. I must say this must have been made by someone who had a little bit a mean bone in them. I'm just saying...

A step out

It is tough when the Lord wants us to step out of our comfort zones in order to serve him. I have been struggling for weeks with the fact that I knew God wanted me to take a step of faith and try present an opportunity for the young women of our church to grown closer in fellowship. How would I do this? I am a friendly enough person but I am not that outgoing in a crowd. I don't like to speak in front of people and by no means am I someone with great spiritual leadership. Being new to the area (in this town if you haven't lived here for 30 years your new) and church, was I really the right person for this job? I wanted to tell the Lord, "uhm...I think you have the wrong person...I'm the one that does the dishes on Wednesday nights remember!" Through various ways, the Lord lead me to the idea of a book club. A chance to read christian literature and then get together and discuss the book. This felt a little bit safer because I'm an avid reader. I finally became brave enough to send an email. Now I would be safe, I would feel free of the burden and no one would even respond. Wrong! So far I have had three women email me to say they are all for the idea. An additional two other women, who I had already talked over the idea before sending the email, had already given the thumbs up for their attendance. Now I'm really stepping way out of my comfort zone! I've got to actually lead this thing! I'm the person who sits in the back corner and hurries out afterwards. Now I have 5 interested women and, oh boy, I had better sit down. I beginning to think I should have entitled this a leap of faith. Now what book do I go with to interest so far 5 different women......

Chicken!

I am a official chicken. I couldn't do it. I tried but failed. The baby curls are here for at least one more haircut. They are just way too cute! She is just so pretty with little baby curls. If only the terrific threes had left the sweet attitude to go with the sweet curls. Maybe I should have cut the curls and a better behavior would have blossomed.

I did finally decide on a color for my hair! Now we will see if I will be just as big as a chicken with my own hair as I am with Emily's!

More SNOW!

Ok, could someone please tell mother nature that we have had enough snow and rain here in the south! My yard is either one big mud puddle or a frozen block of ice. Though I have to admit, Emily was right that skating on the icy driveway was alot of fun! I am ready to begin my project of building a garden bed but it won't dry out long enough to even go outside.

Today is going to be a big day in the life of this mother. Emily is getting her FIRST haircut! (I think) Yes, this is a oh my goodness moment. She is three and has only had dead ends snipped off. It has gotten so long that I am afraid we are getting close to the potty! Also, she complains of the tangles. The question is...will I be able to go through with it and get her hair trimmed? I'm not even sure what the outcome will be tomorrow. We will just have to wait and see. On another note...should I go red? Hum....

George Beaverly Shea

If I were to make an educated guess, it would be that very few people know the name George Beverly Shea. I must admit that until I met my husband I was unaware of the music written and sung by this great Christian man. He is a man who belongs to the era of our grandparents and parents but his voice has a timeless quality. My spouse and I are quite perfect for each other for very are strange birds that love hymns. They speak to my soul and help me heal. They help me sing praises to the Lord. My husband has a very nice voice and can be heard singing many hymns during the day and at night it has always been apart of bedtime routine to sing our daughter to sleep. Some of the songs include his favorite hymns. Today I had on some of George Beverly Shea's music. Not only did I want to praise to Lord but it helps me feel close to Lyle from some strange reason. My daughter was playing and not really paying any attention to what was going on. All the sudden she stopped and exclaimed, "Momma, that man sings like my Daddy!" Laughingly, I agreed with her. She then asked me, "Momma, why is that man trying to sound like my Daddy?" I guess these songs will help us both feel close to Daddy for the next year!

Ups and Down

Today has been a day of ups and downs. This morning we played in the snow! We went sledding down the hill (I must admit that Em was on the lid of a garbage can, but hey it was sledding, right?). A snow man was almost created but alas I am not a good sculpture of snow and em did not like her hands getting cold. lol. I heard someone on the news saying the south did not know what to do with snow. I think we are making do, even if it is on garbage can lids. Emily found out the snow taste great! It is great to experience the joy of something old all over again with someone who is seeing it afresh and anew.

I still missing my Lt. but I did get to talk to him today. I just wish we could have a private conversation. It's hard to talk with six other guys are all talking to others. Maybe their is still hope! He said he would call later so I've got my fingers crossed.

Tomorrow is the Lord's Day. He has been carrying me through this even though I'm sure he wonders why I am acting like Emily. When I try to carry her and help sometimes she starts to kick and scream not knowing that I am taking care of her. I think the Lord is probably wondering why I have been kicking and screaming while he has been trying to carry me these past few weeks! I am so thankful he is such a merciful, caring, and forgiving God. I know I need to learn to be still in his arms and things will get to be so much easier.

I'll end with this, Emily has been learning her bible verse of the week. This week it is "I was glad when they said unto me, let us go into the house of the Lord." PS 122:1. Early in the week, before she has memorized the verse, I asked her if she remembered her bible verse. Her answer was very appropriate. "I was glad to go to Sunday school." She has gotten the meaning of the verse. I think the most important part for a three year old and maybe for all of us. So tomorrow, we will be glad to go to church and Sunday school!

Love Languages

My husband is one of the sweetest men on the planet. Our first year of marriage he went to a marriage conference with Dr. Gary Chapman. He has read books about marriage. Worked with me to implement changes where we can have a successful and happy life together. Even with resistance from childhood home he understands and knows what it means to leave and cleave and has done this with God's grace and love. We have a wonderful life together. Now here is my deep question for the night. How do you met and take care of each other's love languages when you are miles apart? His acts of service, mine quality time. How do you demonstrate love when a sea separates you? As I say this, ideas come to mind. They hardly scratch the surface of how he should be shown love. If I'm honest, I wonder if I will been "running on empty" for an entire year. There has got to be a better way. I guess now is the time to pray for answers and try new ways and be glad it is only one year out of many many more together.

Let it Snow

I guess that I should be happy that there is a literal winter wonderland right outside my doorstep. It has been snowing for hours now and God has painted the world with beautiful lacy white silk. A sight to behold and remember who is still in control of the world in which we dwell.

One the other hand, the little bad girl in me wants to yell....SPRING, WHERE ARE YOU! I want to bask in the warmth of a spring day to see the tiny buds coming out on the trees and feel the suns rays soft upon my face. I guess God thinks, boy I can't ever satisfy you. I am surprised he doesn't just let me have it with how discontent I can be. In the summer time all we talk about is the thought of being cold and now that we have the cold weather all I want is warmth. I guess the lesson that could be derived from this is to be content with what God gives us. Yuck, I'm not up to this lesson tonight. I'll just have to deal with snow and wait for springs warmth. Maybe that is how it felt to wonder the desert all of those years.

A Child's Mind

Emily has been getting up in the middle of the night and making rounds around the house ending up in my bed. During her bath tonight, I ask her if she knew what was making her wake up in the night time? She promptly replied, the elephant! Well, I guess I have been told. What do you say to that three year old reasoning. Makes perfect sense to me, elephants would wake me if they came to my room in the middle of the night!

Hetic Weeks

I haven't blogged in forever from everything from the flu to daddy leaving! Feels good to get back to writing.

We saw off daddy (once again) and have almost made it through the first week. It was a hard last night together but we made it. As sad as this sounds it is a relief to have it over with. I feel as if I can now be done with the dread of waiting for him to leave and start waiting for a return.

Em has been my shinning star through all of this. She gives me laughter and joy when I want to give in to the feelings of discouragement. We have been making Valentines for Daddy and coloring about a million pieces of paper. I'll have to spend a fortune to overnight it since, as usual, I'm late with everything. I have the best job in the whole world to be able to care for my child! I wouldn't trade it for the highest paid executive job because they couldn't be half as happy in their work as I am. We watched our first Disney Movie together. Lady and the Tramp. What joys and she narrated the whole movie with "oh, bless her" and "bless her heart." I have a true southern bell!

Now if only I can get all this tricare stuff taken care of and completed. Paper work, paper work I'm so tired of paper work. Why does all of this have to be so complex. I think a man must have created the system. lol.

I have got to figure out how to upload pictures to this thing! That is my next task. Watch out this could get ugly. We are talking about me.

A lighter moment

I have a definite mommy brag moment. Potty training my little girl has been an uphill battle with me be the losing opponent. I finally took a leap of faith or pure insanity and put her in panties last week. Well, I then decided to name her puddle duck because of all the puddles that kept appearing all over my house. One puddle was even in her bus she likes to ride all over the house. (right after I mopped my floors I might add). I nice little trickling creek made its way from the living room into the kitchen. Oh well, can't cry over spilt milk, so to speak.

I was starting to give up this week, and decide my daughter was going to be in diapers for the rest of her life! When all of the sudden she tells me, "Mommy its time for the tee tees to come out." We even made it to the potty without a puddle in sight! Hallelujah I think we are getting somewhere. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be this proud over a trip to the potty but hey I guess that is what makes you a mom.

Saturdays

I think that Saturdays are now the hardest day of the week for me. It use to be the day I looked forward to with eager anticipation. I knew that was the day that all three of us would get to relax together as a family. Play, eat, sleep, work, whatever came to mind or needed to be done it was always done together. Now have dread Saturdays. It is when Satan attacks my weak faith. I see other families busy just living and laughing together. It is hard to continue on and laugh and play when a member so dear is missing. His presence so needed.

Today was a little better than last Saturday. Em and I were able to laugh and play together. No we didn't get out but we did watch movies and play games. I have to admit I didn't do a good job at leaning on the Lord when I felt down. All I could think is I want to lean on Lyle, if not him, at least another human being. Growing....it's painful.

The Lord did take pity on me and carry me through and help me make it to hopefully a much better day and a happier post.

There was one bright note. I managed to have enough will power not to eat my way through being down in the dumps. I stuck to my points. I think that is a first for me. A praise that I didn't give up and give in. Now just onward to happier days......

In the beginning....

What do I mean by growing in faith? Well, that is what you will get to watch this next year if you view my blog. I am learning to have the faith of a child and trust in the Lord while my husband deploys.

It occurred to me other day that the Lord wishes to be a heavenly soul mate. The one we go to with our joys and fears. I think I have been relying on my earthly soul mate (my sweet husband) for so long that I have forgotten to lean on the Lord. I am learning to let go and give my earthly soul mate over to the Lord. I know within my heart that I have to let Him provide protection and care to Lyle. I have to also learn to accept comfort from my heavenly soul mate who is hear for me everyday and every minute.

So this year is going to be about me learning to trust in the Lord to be my best friend while my earthy best friend is away. It is going to be about trusting the Lord to help the year fly by so we can be reunited. Most of all it is going to have faith that the Lord will bring my love home.

I will never forget being at the airport and seeing a service member greet a fellow soldier's wife. He was the soldier's buddy who was in charge of bringing him home. As I watched this new widow sob into the arms of her husband's buddy I thought of how easily that could be me. She had a small child. I still have terrible fears of that being me one day. And I have to trust that it will never be me. That God will blanket Lyle is protection and one day soon I will have my soul mate back home. It is going to be a daily growing in faith....

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